Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
