Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
