your parents love me but you hate me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
