Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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