dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
