Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
