In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
