u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
