the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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