What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
