I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
