haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
