Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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