it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
