dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
