After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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