I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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