some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
