I need help removing her.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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