Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
