Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
