Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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