i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
