So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Less talking, more tequila
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
