they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Oh god it's open bar.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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