I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
