So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
