I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
