Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
