what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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