I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I know her cup size but not her name....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
