I feel like abortions should bother me more
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
