i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
