Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
