I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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