He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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