he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
