Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
