So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
