she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
