Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
