Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
