How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
