oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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