I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
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