I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
