I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
