I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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