Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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