Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
